Toy Story 4: Ring of Fire
by StupidSequel
Summary: Andy gets all his toys back and leaves college to move into a new place with his toys, but it has too many mosquitoes. After his idiotic method of getting rid of them, he finds himself caught in a Groundhog Day loop that requires an epiphany to escape.


**Toy Story 4: Ring of Fire**

(A bad sequel to 3 good movies. Knowing my style, you'll know I'll mess this one up seriously. It is also the first straight to DVD Toy Story sequel. Be thankful this one isn't canon.) Here we go...

Andy couldn't concentrate on his midterm. He decided he shouldn't have given his toys to Bonnie. He crumpled up his midterm, threw it at his professor, and screamed, "Do the rest of it for me if you're so smart, you biotch! I'm gonna go round up my toys!" He stormed out of the door, cursing under his breath.

"I'm sew stupid! Wait, that wasn't the right word to use." He got in his car and drove to where he gave his toys to Bonnie. He knocked on the door. A giant slug answered the door.

"How may I help you?"

"I have pizzas here that you ordered." Andy got two or three pizza boxes out of hammer space.

"Uhh, but we didn't order-"

"Consider it a gift, for I am a good Samaritan." Andy said with a slight chuckle. Without warning, he bolted in the door and grabbed a plastic bag off of a door knob. He grabbed all of his old toys and put them in the bag. Bonnie had a look of terror on her face.

"They're just toys, girl. Do not build up your treasures on this Earth, for you will no longer have them in the afterlife." Andy recited. Bonnie clearly felt better and didn't try to stop him.

At last he was out the door. "My toys! I will never leave you guys. I love you. Let's spend the rest of our lives together." He slid a diamond ring on Woody's arm. "Of course I'll marry you," he whispered to Woody. He spent hours planning the perfect wedding (yes, his plan was to marry his toys). Here it is: He went to Al's Toy Barn where he was greeted by a priest. He didn't invite anyone because he didn't want to appear to anyone as queer. Besides, there was a whole store filled with toys to watch the wedding. The priest recited all the typical wedding text trap that priests usually say at weddings before people get married. Finally...

"I do," said Andy.

"I do," all the toys said in unison. Neither the priest nor Andy seemed the least bit surprised.

After they were officially married, Andy took all his toys to a vacant house. He decided to move in. _Screw college. I'm married now and I live by my own rules in my own place now. _When he opened the door to his house, he saw a huge plume of mosquitoes buzzing all over. _This must be why no one lives here. _He literally could not go anywhere without 3 or 4 or more mosquitoes landing on him and biting him. He sat down and laid his toys out in front of him. He was doing a sequel to the play at the beginning of the third movie.

"I shall give you all swine flu so you shall not foil my plans! Mwahahaha!" he made Ham say. "Not if I make you play this extremely difficult Super Mario World ROM hack I made. It is so hard your blood will boil and your eyes will pop out!" he made Woody say. He pretended Ham was trying the insane ROM hack that Woody made.

"RRRRGH! I CAN'T GET PAST THE FIRST BULLET BILL JUMP EVEN WITH SAVESTATES!" he made Ham cry in anger. "IS THIS JUMP EVEN POSSIBLE? Oh I will kill you Woody."

"Buzz will save the day." Buzz came in. Andy noticed a bunch of mosquitoes flying near him and he couldn't take it.

"I AM TRYING TO PLAY WITH MY TOYS IN PEACE! WILL YOU BITCHES LEAVE ME ALONE?" Andy yelled as if they could understand him. "First priority is to get rid of these pests because otherwise this house is like living on Venus. Eww, I got some in my teeth!" He began spitting everywhere. He got out his toothbrush and went to the bathroom. He squeezed out a snake of toothpaste. It had dead mosquitoes in it.

"Gaaah!" He went to the fridge and got out a bottle of Jack Daniels. He poured some on his toothbrush and brushed his teeth with it. It was pretty sour, but at least it worked. His berserk button was pressed so far it went to the edge of the universe. _Hope they like fire._

He went over to the gas station and filled a milk carton with gasoline, and went back home. He poured it all over the house, lit the match, and threw it. The house burst into a wall of flame. He fled just in time to not get any charred clothes or flesh. He knew he forgot something, but he couldn't think of what.

"Aw crap, my toys! I left them in there! I bet they were traumatized when they were in the incinerator. Oh God!" He tried to go back in there, but the heat drove him back.

That night he slept in the ditch, or he would have slept if he slept. He was worrying about his new life being homeless, without his toys to comfort him. The next day wasn't any better, but it wasn't any worse either.

The next day, Andy took all his toys to a vacant house. He decided to move in. _Screw college. I'm married now and I live by my own rules in my own place now. _When he opened the door to his house, he saw a huge plume of mosquitoes buzzing all over. _This must be why no one lives here. _He literally could not go anywhere without 3 or 4 or more mosquitoes landing on him and biting him. He sat down and laid his toys out in front of him. He was doing a sequel to the play at the beginning of the third movie.

"I shall give you all swine flu so you shall not foil my plans! Mwahahaha!" he made Ham say. "Not if I make you play this extremely difficult Super Mario World ROM hack I made. It is so hard your blood will boil and your eyes will pop out!" he made Woody say. He pretended Ham was trying the insane ROM hack that Woody made.

"RRRRGH! I CAN'T GET PAST THE FIRST BULLET BILL JUMP EVEN WITH SAVESTATES!" he made Ham cry in anger. "IS THIS JUMP EVEN POSSIBLE? Oh I will kill you Woody."

"Buzz will save the day." Buzz came in. Andy noticed a bunch of mosquitoes flying near him and he couldn't take it.

"I AM TRYING TO PLAY WITH MY TOYS IN PEACE! WILL YOU BITCHES LEAVE ME ALONE?" Andy yelled as if they could understand him. "First priority is to get rid of these pests because otherwise this house is like living on Venus. Eww, I got some in my teeth!" He began spitting everywhere. He got out his toothbrush and went to the bathroom. He squeezed out a snake of toothpaste. It had dead mosquitoes in it.

"Gaaah!" He went to the fridge and got out a bottle of Jack Daniels. He poured some on his toothbrush and brushed his teeth with it. It was pretty sour, but at least it worked. His berserk button was pressed so far it went to the edge of the universe. _Hope they like fire._

He went over to the gas station and filled a milk carton with gasoline, and went back home. He poured it all over the house, lit the match, and threw it. The house burst into a wall of flame. He fled just in time to not get any charred clothes or flesh. He knew he forgot something, but he couldn't think of what.

"Aw crap, my toys! I left them in there! I bet they were traumatized when they were in the incinerator. Oh God!" He tried to go back in there, but the heat drove him back.

That night he slept in the ditch, or he would have slept if he slept. He was worrying about his new life being homeless, without his toys to comfort him.

No, you do not have double vision. I did write that twice. Why? Because Andy got caught in a time loop. During the second repetition, Andy began to catch on, but he was too driven nuts by the mosquitoes, so he burned the house again. He went door to door like a Jehovah's witness, preaching about the Groundhog Day loop, but everyone thought he was crazy. _Why is it that I'm the only one who knows about the time loop? Doesn't everyone get affected by it too? This is brain breaking to the highest degree._

The next day he still burned the house down before realizing what he had done. He drove all over town to clear his mind when he went in a fancy restaurant and saw a huge carnival inside the freezer in the kitchen. He went into the carnival and rode a few rides, including a pendulum ride that spins you round while swinging called the Fireball. He really liked that one a lot despite the freezing temperature. Next he rode the Zipper. That one made him puke all over the midway. He walked into some kind of hut like building thinking it might be the bathroom. It was no bathroom. A crystal ball was resting on a small table and an elderly looking woman with robes, bad acne, and a colorful necklace and earrings greeted him.

"I am the local gypsy woman named Chrebereth. You seek something?" she rasped.

"Yeah, I want to know why I keep living the same day over and over again," Andy told her. The gypsy reached into a cabinet and pulled out a small drill, a Wii, and a Toy Story 3 video game. Andy backed away out of fear, but Chrebereth grabbed him and strapped him up in a chair before he could react. She turned on the drill and drilled into the side of his head. He could feel a sharp sting on the side of his head.

"What are you doing?" Andy demanded.

"Giving you an epiphany," answered Chrebereth.

She put the Toy Story 3 game in and stored the Wii inside the hole she made in his head. She licked the hole and it was instantly repaired.

"If you think this is painful, you can always buy an epiphany at the epiphany store on the other side of the carnival, but it costs a thousand dollars," she said to him. Andy did a face-palm, then remembered he didn't have nearly that much.

"Hmmm. Eureka! My toys should be with me always! I should find another way to get rid of the mosquitoes, one that doesn't involve burning my toys or my house." The gypsy nodded.

Andy skipped happily out of the gypsy's hut and rode the Loop-o-plane, the Tilt-a-Whirl, and a free spinning chaotic ride called the Top Scan. Amazingly he did not puke.

When he exited the freezer, he sat down at a table and ordered caviar. When it came, he gobbled it up pretty quickly even though it tasted bland at best. When he had to pay the check, he just dined and dashed. On the way home, he was trying hard to think of a way to get rid of the mosquitoes without burning his toys. Then it hit him. _Why don't I just move all my toys outside the house first, and then burn the house down, and then live in the rubble. _It seemed like a good idea.

The next day, when he was annoyed by the mosquitoes (he was still caught in the time loop) he moved all his toys out of the house and poured gasoline all over the inside. He lit the match and watched his house go ablaze once more. This time his toys were not being burned along with everything else. After the firefighters came and put out the blaze, Andy moved back in. The smell of smoke and stuff burning still hung heavily in the air, but he didn't care about that as long as all the mosquitoes burned to death too. He enjoyed the rest of the day playing with his toys.

"I am back, and I am angry! I want vengeance!" he made Ham say. He pretended that Woody and Buzz were tied up. Slinky saved the day this time.

"Hey Ham! I just lost the game, and now you did too!" he made Slinky say.

"Ow! My brain is breaking! SYSTEM ERROR! INVALID WIN 32 APPLICATION," he made Ham say.

The next day, Andy woke up in surprise. He was still in the time loop.

"But I saved my toys! What more do I have to do?" Chill out, Andy! The narrator is not your personal servant! Stop asking the narrator for advice. You're on your own, dude.

So Andy went back to that fancy restaurant, crawled into the freezer, the one with the carnival inside it. He made his way to Chrebereth's hut.

"Andy, welcome back! I did not give you all the necessary epiphanies so that we can make more money by repeated visits to the carnival. Very well. I shall give you your last epiphany." She strapped Andy in the chair, drilled a hole in the side of his head, put a Super Mario Galaxy 2 game inside the Wii, and put the Wii inside the hole in Andy's head, and licked the hole shut.

"By God! So I must not kill the mosquitoes!" Andy walked off with his head down and rode the Zipper three times.

Back in the restaurant, he figured out what he should do with the mosquitoes. _I should give them to Bonnie to play with. I bet she misses Buzz, Woody, and the gang by now. _He went home and stripped his fridge of all the fruit and gobbled it up like a ticket eater at those arcade buildings. Next he drank whole bottles of honey, syrup, and jam in one sitting. The mosquitoes immediately flocked to him because of his sweet scent. He ran the whole 26 mile distance to Bonnie's house and rang the doorbell.

"Aren't you the asshole who stole my toys?" she answered.

"Yes, but I have something better. I got you mosquitoes to play with," Andy responded. Bonnie let out a squeal of excitement. She began playing with the mosquitoes Andy gave to her. Andy had another epiphany.

"Can I use your computer?" Andy asked.

"Sure," the giant slug from earlier approved. Andy logged on to his University account and saw that he was doing poorly in all his classes. But he didn't want to go back to college. You know how, when you take a long break from something strenuous or intense, either physically or mentally, and the longer you wait, the harder it is to get back to it? That was what Andy felt like. He gave all his notes and books to his toys to start learning the material for him.

"Why do we have to do all his work for him from now on?" Buzz complained.

"Because Andy is our master and we shall never let him down," Woody replied. "We want him to succeed, and we can't make him do the work if he doesn't want to, so it's up to us now. C'mon everybody, we must go to his college!"

All his toys headed out to the college Andy goes to, and they somehow inexplicably knew where it was and which school. They headed into the room of Andy's psychology professor.

"Andy, there you are. We're about to start the midterm, and if you were any later, I'd have to give you an automatic F on the test. Here's the paper. GET WORKING YOU LAZY SCHMUK!" Stupid professor. He somehow mistook Andy's toys for Andy, and so did all the other students. That worked out perfectly. Buzz was the smart one, so he was the one to fill in answers. "Andy" turned the test in fashionably early. When the toys started leaving, someone dropped a pen and Slinky went over to investigate.

"Slinky, NO! What-" Woody panicked. Slinky was entranced by the rolling pencil. The professor looked terrified.

"Andy's foot just came off somehow! Can someone dial 9-1-1? Pack it in ice so they can reattach it!" the professor wailed. The group of toys scooted closer to Slinky and they left the room together.

"Aw, thank God! He's got it under control," the professor sighed with relief.

The toys did all of Andy's work for the rest of the semester, getting perfect sores on all assignments, and at the end of the semester, Andy checked his grades, and he screamed like hell. His grades were the following:

Psychology: F-

Astronomy: F-

College Algebra: F-

Japanese Culture: F-

His professors disliked him so much they gave him a negative GPA. Specifically, a -4.0.


End file.
